April, 2008
I was at a concert the other night where a friend of mine gave a little talk on the topic of binding and loosing, taken from the book of Matthew where Christ tells his disciples that what they bind on earth will be bound in heaven and what they loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Though I have heard many interpretations of the exact meaning of this phrase, a new application of it gave me goose bumps. My friend was referring to a gift that had been given to his ministry and how that gift had “loosened” them to do what God had created them to do.
Unfortunately, I missed the rest of what my friend said, because immediately my mind started racing. Who or what was I binding? Who or what do I know needs loosing? How exactly does one bind or loosen others? I began to think of my husband and kids. Was I binding or loosing them? What about friends? Ministries? And how does one go about loosing a child? Can one be too loosened?
I began to think of how I could help to “loosen” some ministries. Where could I give that would allow them to be more of what God created them to be? This week, I received a couple of copies of an email going around about the economic stimulus package and asking people to reconsider how they might use it. Since it was an unexpected source of funds, why not use it to bless someone or some ministry, the email suggested. Use it to “loosen” something that God wants loosed, help someone become more of whom God created them to be.
Money is one thing that binds ministries and people, but there are other things. I’ve been especially conscious of the role of my tongue in that process this season. These last couple of years, God has been showing me how I need to study my kids (and my husband, and my friends), listen to their hearts’ desires, help them develop their gifts and talents and help them learn who God made them to be. I tend to be quick to judge and not very fast on the verbal support. Like many moms, my first answer is an emphatic no or a nebulous maybe, rather than an honest look. If it costs me time and energy, it has a dismal future.
For example, I have seen how God has given Abby a creative mind. I’ve always considered myself creative, but my creativity is within the box of an analytical mind. Abby is creative without bounds. Where I’m creative in order to come up with solutions, she’s creative just to create. She’s big picture, not details. She’s drama, not behind-the-scenes. She’s a prism waiting for that beam of light that allows her to explode with color.
Unfortunately, sometimes I don’t have the patience for such creativity. Just get it done. Keep it simple. Don’t make me drive out of the way. I’m quick to shut things down. Like much of the evangelical church, I am more comfortable on the left side of my brain. But God didn’t make us all that way and there is a vast force of God’s people out there who are straining under us lecture-teacher-preacher types. They are groaning, wondering where they fit in, filled with drama, music (not hymns or worship, but music just for music’s sake), dance, and art. My daughter is one of them. She wants to lead a night of worship at church – one where drawings, art and photo exhibits, music, and poetry are used to worship. She wants to cover the floor with paper and allow the kids to draw expressions of their love for God. And I am biting my tongue through it all, curbing my instincts to just shut it down because it is outside my box. I’ve seen in the past how a word with no forethought crushed her. And I don’t want to do that again. I’ve been quick to dismiss her contributions and God let me know that my dismissive attitude was sin. He showed me that He made her that way, that what she has to contribute is not only valid, but valuable, and I and the church at large are better for it. I know that this night of worship that she’s putting together will be a blessing to many. I am so proud of her and all of her accomplishments. I want to be like a mother tiger now, eating alive anyone who dares crush her soul, her biggest advocate and cheerleader, ready to help in whatever way I can to loosen her, to set her free.
The last month has provided me opportunities to help Anna learn to appreciate her own gifts as well, to help loosen her so God’s grace can flow through her gifts to others. She is as detail-oriented as Abby is creative. Anna has a passion for ministry, but sees ministry as being for the bold and the brave which she is not. She prefers helping behind the scenes. (Though I must say, she was awesome when she was in drama on stage.) She is an organizer, seeing efficiency problems and correcting them. Because I am similarly wired, it is easier for me to cheer on her gifts (until she starts correcting my parenting deficiencies). The hardest part for me is when she comes up with an alternative solution to my solution. I have to be careful not to shoot it down just because it didn’t originate with me. Sometimes I do and I see how it hurts her to not even be heard. Anna is often down on herself a lot as well, feeling as though she had “lesser” gifts, that she would never be able to marry her gifts with ministry. I assured her most churches and ministries are in desperate need of organization, but it tends to fall on deaf ears. Or it did until this month.
An Edict from the Mom went forth at the end of last summer that Mom would no longer employ her own children and any employable kids must find a summer job. As we brainstormed ideas, I tried to keep asking myself “How is Anna uniquely Anna?” or “Who did God make Anna to be?” When we found out that Grandma needed help moving and organizing her new home, that provided a solution for the first month. Then we decided that Anna could go help my friend with a ministry called Women at Risk (mentioned in a previous newsletter). They always need volunteers, categorizing the jewelry, helping in the office, doing data entry and mailings. So that will round out the rest of her summer. Anna was practically beaming when we landed on this idea. She could be her own unique self and help out a ministry at the same time! What God had created or loosed in heaven had just been loosed on earth. And if they give her free rein in that office, loosing her even more, her gift will flow and will be a blessing to all, as she organizes the snot out of it.
Mike and I have also been looking at his gifts. Though I readily see his gift of encouragement, I often find myself slipping into forcing him into my expectations rather than letting him live out who God made him to be. When allowed to be who God made him to be, he flourishes, men are encouraged, and God is glorified. Though slow, I am learning. And what’s more, as I learn, I grow in appreciation for my husband and who he is. This last week, Mike also decided to “loosen” me. (Hopefully, it won’t be too much – we’d hate to see what a fully-loosened Amy looks like!!) It appears (“God willing and the creek don’t rise”) that I will be returning to grad school to get more training so that I can improve my knowledge of the Word and people helping me to be a better teacher through my writing and speaking.
So I guess I want to close with a question this month: Who or what do you know that needs loosing? And how can you be a part of that?
Like a rock,
The Submissive Despot
Amy Louise
Amy Shane
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