June, 2007
I just finished up yet another sermon series on my iPod. I love listening to a series because it motivates me out for the next run. This last series was one on Proverbs.
One of the last sessions was on repairing relationships. In it, the speaker, talking about anger and forgiveness, quoted the old “ ‘Vengeance is Mine’, saith the Lord.” Ten years ago, I went through an extensive amount of “spiritual surgery” and learned a lot about forgiveness. But this speaker said something in a new way that smacked me right between the eyes.
He talked about how we typically interpret that verse to mean God will take vengeance in the future. And it does. The anger we feel for having been wronged will be poured out on the perpetrator when God takes vengeance. But then the speaker gave another way of looking at that verse, saying it could mean “Vengeance is mine”, in that God would receive the vengeance. That anger that I feel has been directed at and poured out upon Jesus. God took the vengeance from my heart and poured it out on His own Son at the cross. I don’t need to wait for the vengeance in the future. It’s been taken.
I kept backing up the recording and re-listening to it. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that angry. Is that how angry I should be? Or maybe it is that the vengeance being poured out on Christ is in response to the sins I’ve committed against others??? I’ve never thought of myself angry enough to exact that kind of vengeance. The amount of vengeance that would kill a man on a cross is so, well, so. . .ugly. But maybe that’s because I’ve never really been horribly wronged. I’ve lived a life of privilege and ease.
There are others who have been cheated or have had stuff stolen. There are those who have been lied to and betrayed. There are precious souls who have been abandoned and abused. Across the globe, there are people who have been tortured, raped, or have had family murdered in front of their eyes. Three weeks ago, we visited the Holocaust museum and witnessed just that. Even today, similar atrocities continue. These people, not I, have a right to be angry. And God promises to avenge those evils as well.
It just got me thinking. To picture God as angry is weird for this pampered American. Yet, in as much as God cannot be more loving, He also cannot be more angry. He is perfectly all-love, all-mercy, all-justice, and, yes, all-anger. We are truly “sinners in the hands of an angry God”. Yet this same God chose to channel that anger upon His own Son. No wonder David in the Old Testament said he’d rather fall into the hands of God instead of the hands of man.
I’m not going to argue the theology of whether Christ’s death absorbed the vengeance for all sins or only those who accept Him as Savior. If He absorbed all vengeance, it’s done. If it is only for those who accept Him, it will be done. He’ll exact vengeance for the rest later. The point is I don’t need to seek my own vengeance because God is a better record-keeper than I. (Keeping track of the stars, sparrows, and hairs on my head give Him a credible track record.)
So, if we have a perfect record-keeper and a perfect vengeance-taker, why are there circumstances where we prefer to lick our wounds and keep them fresh? There are days when I’ve been hurt and have started to nurse the wound and the Holy Spirit prompts me to surrender it over to His record book. I then attempt to ignore His promptings. I figure I’ll forgive later on, after I’ve wallowed just a little bit more. Maybe all I need is an afternoon. Just let me hang on to it for a little longer, God. Sometimes it feels good to curl up with a ball of self-pity and nurse it a while. Not long enough to take root. Just long enough to feel it. Of course, I can’t stand self-pity in others. And I can only tolerate it in myself for a short while. Usually, the nagging of the Holy Spirit greatly overshadows the good feelings I get from holding onto a grudge.
There are two things that I’ve found really help me get a grip on my anger. The first is to have a really good friend who walks with God that I can talk to. I find talking through things with another prevents me from harboring secret grudges. Wearing my feelings on my sleeves keeps me from harboring them in a closet of my heart. And the light reveals things for what they really are. The friends I have chosen will call me on it every time. The other is to have a deep understanding of who God is – that He cannot love me anymore than He already does; that He sees my wounds and bottles my tears; and that He is the perfect vengeance-taker. Now I can also add to these a mental picture of God taking the anger that I feel, putting it in a bucket, and pouring it out on the head of Christ on the cross. I can hear Christ yell out, “It is finished!” The sins done to me have not gone unpaid. Nor have the ones I’ve committed. Imagine, a God who, in perfect justice, will take vengeance on my behalf. And a God who, in perfect mercy, will receive it. On my behalf. What a God.
The Submissive Despot
Amy Shane
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