December, 2006
The house is finally quiet. After a busy month of prepping and enjoying Christmas, I am now ready to settle into routine. I just have to make it through this last week of vacation. Yesterday we undecorated the house, did a ton of laundry and got the groceries, opening up time today for writing. But then I slept in. And I wanted to read my last day of reading through the Bible while the house was quiet. And then I had to exercise. I decided to have Abby take her siblings to a movie to eliminate all distractions. So now the only sound is a fountain outside my window and the occasional jingling of Penny’s dog collar nearby. Yet still I find it hard to write.
It’s not that I’m easily distractible – I prefer to think that I’m hyper-attentive to details. I notice that the laundry needs to be done, that there’s peanut butter smeared on the counter, that someone left their socks half-sticking out from under the couch. I notice that my hair needs fixing up, that I have a hangnail, that the books on the shelf aren’t standing up straight or that the towel is hanging crooked. I like order and find I can think better when surrounded by it. The problem is that I share my space with those who have different priorities. And this makes perfection (as defined by ME) somewhat elusive. I don’t really let it stress me out but I find that I have a hard time putting my writing time first because it’s something I enjoy. And we all know that what a mom enjoys should come after her work which, for me, includes ordering my home. I’ve read a lot of articles by writers who say they have to prioritize and discipline themselves to write. Maybe it’s the mother-martyr syndrome that makes it so hard. Maybe if I had to write in order to put bread on the table I could justify it.
Or maybe, instead of putting “Write newsletter” on my task list, I should put “Write first paragraph”, “Write second paragraph”, “Write third paragraph”, and so on. Then I’d get lots of lines to cross off instead of only one and that might motivate me more. There are days when, after I do something that wasn’t on my list, I’ll add it just so that I can cross it off. Somewhere in the Bible I think it says that those who have everything crossed off their lists have justified their existence.
I often find that trying to get more done also tends to make me late. I’m usually just a little late, not terribly late. “To finish the pile of ironing will only take a few more minutes.” “I can squeeze in a quick shower.” “I don’t have to leave for fifteen minutes, so maybe I’ll whip up that batch of cookies that I need for next weekend.” Such thoughts dominate my mind. Just a little more, one more thing crossed off that list. Better a few minutes late than minutes left unused.
One of the challenging things about this task-oriented illness/blessing is that I have to be careful not to judge others based on how much they accomplish. Mike is frequently reminding me of this fact. He reminds me that it is OK to spend time just sitting or reading with one of our kids. I know this, but can’t we have meaningful conversations while we are multi-tasking? I mean, that way we could cross two things off my list. (Not that spending time with my kids is a list item. Though if I did spend time with them, I reserve the right to add it after the fact and then cross it off.)
So why do I talk so frequently about being task-oriented? For one reason, it is frequently a source of conflict in certain marital relationships of which I am a part. Though he too enjoys crossing things off a list, Mike is more what I’d call a “be-er” while I am a “do-er”. He’s present-oriented, I’m future-oriented. And I know that my style often irritates the crud out of Mike. The other reason is that I feel like God has been trying to teach me a little in this area. When I read Scripture, God seems to think a little more highly of Mike’s type. But since it was God who made me this way in the first place (ask my Mom – she’ll tell you I was born organized), I guess what I have to learn is how to do tasks God’s way.
That’s why I’m starting 2007 with a day of prayer and fasting, asking God what He wants me to do this year. And Mike and I are going to take a little get-away early on in January for the same purpose, as well as a wee bit of romance. We’ve often taken a weekend to chart out the year with activities and vacation plans, but this would be a first for asking God to chart it out for us. Obviously, after you get soccer games, tennis matches, high school activities, youth group activities, driving the kids around the universe activities, teaching Sunday School and Awana stuff, going to board meetings, and the other myriad details of family life scheduled there’s not a lot left over for God to fill in. Hmmm, maybe if we gave Him first dibs at our calendar, I wonder how that would change the look of it?? But if we were to do that I’d have to get Abby and Anna in on the prayer and fasting so we’d all be together in this, because they’re the ones who fill the calendar the fastest!
You’ll have to check with us to see how it went. Of course, if I hadn’t tried to squeeze in a bunch of other things (like getting the Christmas decorations down or trimming my cuticles) I’d have gotten this letter out earlier and could have challenged you to join me on the first of the year. Maybe you could just pick another day. Let’s see where God sends us this next year!
The Submissive Despot
Amy Shane
P.S. Yippee! Get this in the mail and my newsletter is crossed off…
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