June, 2006
Abby just got her driver’s permit. As I ride with her, I try to be the “cool mom”. Occasionally, I’ll give direction or correction, but I don’t want to be the type who pumps the invisible brake on the passenger side. I purposefully unclench my fists and try to assume a “been there, done that” pose. I swallow the gasps before they become audible and hide my widened eyes behind sunglasses. (OK, so a few gasps escape…)
Yet still, apparently, I’m not doing it quite right. “Mom, would you quit saying it like that? You’re stressing me out.” (“Stressing you out?? I’m stressing you?? It isn’t your insurance premiums flying along at 65 mph, changing lanes with very little space between cars…”.) All I want to do is appear calm so that she’ll brag on how cool her mom is. But today I gasped when we nearly took off the side mirror. Wrong thing to do. Come on, an instinct is an instinct. I can’t control that gasp any better than I can control my post-five children bladder. Didn’t matter. I was back in the doghouse.
She drove across town with her Grandpa a few weeks ago. “Yeah, she tends to hug the right side a lot like most beginning drivers,” was his simple calmly-stated summary. Abby was giddy, like he’d pronounced her driving skills to be in the genius category. If I had made that statement, I’d plummet in the ratings so fast it’d make my head spin.
So what does it take to make me a cool mom? A couple of Sundays ago I was riding high on the cool meter. What’d I do? Nothing – I just let Abby be Abby. It all came about when I had an insight into my oldest daughter’s personality.
For those of you familiar with John Trent’s version of personality types, my daughter is an otter. This means she’s extroverted and relationship-oriented. Read: she’s a party-girl. Lack of social stimulation is anathema to her. Her many relationships are food for her soul.
Now me, on the other hand, I have a lot of what
Once I really started seeing into her heart and understanding it, I became more willing to accommodate it. Admittedly, it didn’t hurt that most of her friends now drive as well. Thus, that Sunday I found myself with a huge gang of kids over. Frankly I loved it. We built this house so that our kids would be able to have friends over, entertain and learn the spirit of hospitality. And it is always fun to watch your child in his or her element. My kids have great friends and it’s a blast getting to know them all better. All it takes is being able to whip up a meal for twenty or thirty in a half hour or less. (This is where my beaver-personality’s well-stocked pantry helps.)
I find it is well worth the effort taking the time to understand personalities and how your particular child is made up. (And not just because allowing them to be themselves makes you rate high on the cool meter, either.) If you know the strengths and weaknesses of the four personality types and know the five different love languages (the way a person gives and receives love – see Gary Chapman’s books), it really can give you insight into their hearts. You should probably also study up on how their birth order affects all of that (see Kevin Leman’s book) and know the unique nuances of being male or female (see books by John Gray, Emerson Eggerichs, or Bill & Pam Farrel) too Then figure out which box your child fits into as well as where his/her siblings are and how they all affect each other.
Unfortunately, my five kids represent all four quadrants of
Now I guess my only question remaining is: How many parties cancel out 5 gasps and a squeal? Oh wait, I just thought of something. How many parties does it take to rectify having written a newsletter about your teenager? Yikes. If you care to write me this summer, feel free to send it in care of our dog.
Like a rock,
The Submissive Despot
Amy Louise
Amy
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