November, 2007
For years, Mike and I have played the divide-and-conquer game. At home and on vacation one of us would sit back at the relative’s house or hotel so EIE could take naps and just play while the other one took Abby and Anna to a movie or to a party or some other fun activity. Less often, one of us would get Abby and Anna going on some project while the other would take EIE to the beach or to some other activity that the older girls would find boring.
But this month we took a vacation and for the first time, all seven of us could do the same activities. We spent a day on a catamaran snorkeling, on another we took a family surfing lesson. We did the beach and ocean together as well as the pool slides. We even all went out exercising together (some of us more than others). It was so much fun. Only problem was that next fall Abby is leaving so I don’t know if we’ll ever get this opportunity again. Next thing I know it’ll be back to divide and conquer only I’ll be the grandma staying behind to take care of kiddos so their parents can go out!
We saw some other interesting changes happening on this trip as well. It seems Emma is ready to move out of the “younger kids” category and move into the “older girls” group. (no more EIE??) We knew this was coming from the frequent references to a desire for her own room. She’s now “more mature” and “can handle more responsibility” since “she keeps HER side of the room clean”. She was the first to master the surfboard and joined in the exercise every day instead of giving in to sleep like Ian and Elly. The problem is that Abby and Anna still see her as “below the gap” in terms of age and aren’t quite ready to have her join their ranks.
I remember this happening in my own family growing up. My two younger sisters took a stand and declared to the family that they were no longer to be referred to as “the little girls”. And then my mom started making me take Lisa (the next in age younger, but still “below the gap”) along with me to all of my grown up activities. I had to take her down to
I’m trying to figure out how to get Emma’s older sisters to include her now. They don’t roller skate and most of their activities are with their sports teams or their high school youth group, which she can’t attend. I’ve been trying to encourage Abby to think of her siblings when she might want to go to a movie or something. Anna enjoys doing stuff with them, but often it is as a director rather than as co-participants. I think it would be fun for the youth group to have an occasional “invite your siblings” night where they would advocate intra-family relationships. Imagine high school girls hosting a “princess night” where they do manicures or pedicures and have a party, or the high school boys hosting a “basketball evening” and teaching a few tricks of the trade to their younger male siblings. It would help our kids remember that they are role models whether they like it or not.
In the same way, I am trying to ease into the idea of my oldest becoming an adult. I have tried to support my daughter’s quest for independence. And now that I think about it, it was not a concept that I had to teach her. I realize that next year at this time, she’ll be off on her own (sort of – there IS that tuition thing), able to vote (!), and beginning to give form to the thought of a future mate. I try to seek out her opinion on some things and try to include her in whenever we can when Mike and I are discussing adult issues. And Anna is not far behind her on the same path. (For that matter, she may be ahead of her sister in a couple of areas, but don’t tell them I said so!) It is a feeling of excitement mixed with horror. “Have I done enough? What else do I need to squeeze in? Is it too late? I’m not finished!!!”
I was thinking about how God must feel each time one of His kids launches into new territory. But I figure He already knows what’s going to happen, so He probably doesn’t feel it in quite the same way. (I can see Him pumping His victorious fist going, “Yes, she chose the right path! I just knew she would!” Well…sure…of course He would know…) I only have to go through the severe joy of launching five times. God’s been through it millions of times. The cool thing is, where I’m launching them from home, He’s launching them toward home.
In the meantime, I think I’ll just savor these last few months.
Like a rock,
The Submissive Despot
Amy Louise
Amy Shane
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